Do you every have one of those moments with God when you bang the heal of your hand on your forehead and say to yourself, "How could I have missed that?" I had one of those the other day.
But first, a little background. Most of you reading this blog know that we have been on a journey to have another baby. We've been trying for almost 4 years now. Infertility has not come as a surprise to us... I was actually told by my OB when I was 14 that I would probably have trouble having kids one day. Of course, I was 14, so whatever, right? And she didn't tell me why I might have trouble, so I had no idea what was wrong with me.
#1 was a clomid baby (a fertility drug, for those who aren't down with the lingo!), so when we started trying for #2 we talked to my OB and got started on clomid. But it didn't work. So we upped the dose. And it didn't work. We tired clomid about 9 cycles over the next 2.5 years, but it never worked for us. And then came the day our OB told us that he thought I had PCOS, but that I really needed to see a specialist, because he had reached the end of what he felt comfortable doing for me.
That was a crossroads for me. Steve and I had never been opposed to seeing a specialist, but because we do not have infertility insurance coverage, we didn't know how we would pay for it. We didn't just want to go into debt, because we didn't feel like that would be being a good steward of what God had given us. So, we put it off and just kept going with the OB.
But when my OB told us there was nothing more he could do, when we had reached the end of that journey and the door had closed, we called a specialist. I was excited to see someone who really would know what I had and how best to treat it. We knew it was the next step we were supposed to take. But we still didn't know where the money would come from. And we still didn't want to go into debt.
So we prayed. I can remember saying specifically to God, "We are more than willing to go to an RE, but You are going to have to provide the money, because we just don't have it."
Then we called the RE. And we met with him. And we started in on the tests and labs and even the surgeries he wanted to do.
But we still didn't know how we were going to pay the bills when they started rolling in.
About this time, we went to get our taxes done. Last year, we had been told by our accountant that we were not eligible for a certain tax credit. So this year, I just asked about it, wondering if we were eligible this year. Long story short, after many searches and phone calls, including to the IRS themselves, our accountant told us that we were eligible after all... and that we should have gotten it last year as well.
So not only did we get a hefty tax refund this year, but we also got to go back and amend 2008 to claim the credit that we did not get then. We got a double tax refund this year! And I praised God for it!
But I didn't recognize until just a couple days ago that God had very specifically answered my prayer about providing the money we need to pay for our treatment. Because when I wrote out all the bills we had gotten and the amounts due, I found that our tax refund would more than cover it. All of it. With money to spare.
Sometimes you have to just keep on walking through the open doors God places in front of you, even when you don't know how all the details are going to work out. We got to the point where our OB said we needed to see a specialist, and we started seeing one, all the while knowing that we were going to need a God-sized intervention to pay for it. And that's exactly what we got.
I may not know all of the situations that you are facing. I know some of them. And they just seem impossible, don't they? But I believe with everything in me that nothing is impossible with God. So take a breath, and take that next step, and then the next one, and then the next. Let Him lead you, even when you don't know where you are going or how you are going to get there. Follow hard after Him, and when something comes up that you know you can't solve on your own, pray about it and then leave it there with Him. He can handle it. He's a great big God... and He loves you.
Thank You, God for tangibly and specifically answering my prayer. I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize what You were up to!