Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Not as bad as we thought

I got a call from my RE's office late Monday afternoon, and the news was not as bad as we originally thought. My body did respond to the clomid, and I did have 2 follicles growing, one on each side, they just weren't big enough to trigger yet. Which means, there is a possibility that they will continue to grow and release on their own, and I will ovulate later in my cycle. But then again, maybe not. They just don't know. So at this point, we continue *ahem* trying, and if nothing happens by April 12th we call them back and we start the cycle again.

Today, I feel consumed by my desire to have another child. I love my family so much just as it is. We have a great family, a loving family who enjoy being together, and I just want to add another child to it. Not to fill a void or anything like that, but just to add to the good thing we already have going. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not. For example, last night we went for a walk. Well, Steve and I walked while Nathan rode his bike. And I loved every minute of it. But at the same time, I was thinking about how much fun it would be if I were pushing a stroller. The scene was perfect just as it was and I enjoyed it fully, lacking nothing. But at the same time, I longed to add a baby in a stroller to the family moment. It's a strange place to be in. Contentment coupled with longing.

Today, God spoke to me through His Word, and gave me a verse to claim when I start to feel consumed. Lamentations 3:22 says: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail." In fact, Lamentations 3: 21-26 are some of my favorite verses in all of Scripture. When I was in college, I even wrote a song paraphrasing those verses, which I still sing today... on days like this, when left to my own devises I start to wallow in my unfulfilled desires. I know you can't hear the tune, but the words go like this:

Yet this I call to mind
And therefor I have hope.
Because of the Lord's great love
I will not be consumed.
For His compassions are
New every morning.
And He will be my portion
For today.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

From Sveta: Grace, as always, this is beautifully written, so honest and so touching. Thank you for sharing, and happy "trying!"

Jenn said...

This caused me to tear up! You know why? Because I too go to this verse when I am struggling. Why do I go to this verse? Because a very dear friend in college gave me this verse when I was suffering some severe depression. That same friend was instrumental in me seeking out God again and renewing my faith. Yep, that friend was Grace! Thank you Grace for giving me that verse in the first place and for reminding me that I should be looking at it more often today!

Grace said...

Ahhh girls, thank you! You are both so sweet, and I appreciate the encouragement!