Tonight I find myself in the church basement, waiting out the second round of storms passing through our town. Steve and Nathan are asleep on beanbags on the floor, and I am reflecting while the storm rages outside. And what am I reflecting on, you might ask? Well... Habakkuk.
Not the book of the Bible Habakkuk, though it's a good one. No, I'm thinking tonight about the meaning of the name Habakkuk. It has two meanings really. Habakkuk means to embrace or to wrestle.
Interesting, huh? Those two words seem to be complete opposites. How can one name contain them both? But really, they are just two sides of the same coin. Because whether we are embracing someone or wrestling with them, we are holding on to them with all we have. We are face-to-face, arms wrapped around each other. We are intent on the act, because you do not embrace or wrestle someone passively. No, you have to be present and intentional and actively engaged. Embracing and wrestling are not for the faint of heart.
There are days when I am embracing God. I feel His arms around me, drawing me close, and I have my arms wrapped around Him, holding on for dear life. And then there are days when I am having an all-out wrestling match with God. When I don't understand something, or when I'm angry or hurt or confused, and I am determined to keep grappling with Him until I get an answer. And I think both are ok, because whether I'm embracing Him or wrestling with Him, I've got a hold of Him... and He's got a hold of me. I'm not letting go and walking away, and I know He isn't either. We're there, together, in the moment, and that is right where I need to be.
Habakkuk reminds me that God is big enough, strong enough, loving enough to handle me, no matter if I'm hugging Him back or trying to fight Him to the ground. (Comical right? Like I could EVER pin Almighty God!) He stays the same. The difference is all in me. But I'm not letting go! And He promises that He won't either.