Friday, August 10, 2007

Good Bad Happy Sad

Today is the 10 year anniversary of my mom's death. So, it's a bittersweet day for me. Of course I miss my mom, and the memories of her last weeks are painful to remember. She was really hurting there at the end. But when I think of her I have so many good memories too, and I can look back and see how things she said or did have shaped me into who I am today. Over the last 10 years there were many times that I wished she were there, like my wedding day or the day of my accident or the day Nathan was born. But I also can't imagine life without my step-mom and her family in it. I wish Nathan could have known my mom, cause she would have loved him so much and really enjoyed being his grandma. But Jennifer is a wonderful Nana, and she loves Nathan and just delights in him. He doesn't feel like he's "missing out", because she has filled that role in his life to overflowing. And so around and around I go. Today I'm consumed with thoughts that are both good and bad, happy and sad. And that's OK.

4 comments:

Polly said...

i understand--m

Nancy said...

My thoughts are with you today. I know a little of what you mean. My grandaughter was only 27 months old when she died and wasn't putting sentences together very well yet; however, the wisdom I gained from having her in my life cannot be measured. It was her life not her death that changed my life. It made me realize God still had a purpose for my life.

Vivian said...

I was thinking of you often yesterday. I hope you and your dad had a good time together last night. It is very good to mark anniversaries and to reflect on what happened--and on how God has been at work in you through it. It gives us perspective and builds faith. It is painful sometimes in the process, but profitable in the long run. God bless you.

Lila said...

Love you, Gracie! You touch my heart with some of your comments...we have a lot in common!!!