Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My baby started kindergarten today...

And I am sad.

Oh, not for him. No. He will thrive there. He is such a social little guy, and so smart, he is going to love school!

I'm happy for him!

But I am sad for me.

Because I always thought that we would have another little one at home when this day came.

And we don't.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that my son might be an only child. Which means that milestones like today might just happen once for me. And that makes my heart hurt.

I am not ready to give up on the dream of more children. I am not ready to stop pursuing adoption and trying the medications from my RE. I have not reached that point yet of feeling like my family is complete.

But it's taking so long...
I'm not sure if God is telling me no and I'm just not hearing Him.

I really do want to be ok with His will, whatever it is.

But I can no longer distinguish between my wants and His will.

So today I feel really sad.

For me.

Because this isn't the way I wanted it to be.


Nicole said...

Sending you lots of hugs!

thewhitehouse said...

Love you Grace. Praying for you always, my friend.

Leesha said...

I am just now getting around to catching up on blogs. I am so sorry, Grace, that it is this way. I hate this IF battle for all of us. You are an awesome lady and I am so thankful for knowing you. I guess that has been a blessing in my IF---I got to meet you. (((Hugs)))