Saturday, June 05, 2010

An anniversary, of sorts...

But not one that I wanted to reach.

June 2010 marks our 4-year anniversary of trying to conceive a second child. We started trying for a second baby in June 2006.

And before you ask, no, I did not calender the event so I would always remember the momentous occasion. But I do remember that we intentionally did not start trying until after we got home from our 2-week trip to Kenya. And I do remember that when we returned, we were ready to try again. And that was in... you guessed it... June 2006.

Which means we have been experiencing secondary infertility (SI) for 4 years.

4 years.

I knew it wouldn't be a quick or easy thing having another child. I've known since I was 14 that I have issues. It took us 3 years of "allowing" to conceive Nathan... though it only took 2 rounds of clomid with my OBGYN.

So I figured we'd need help, but I also figured what worked with Nathan would work again.

Sadly, I was mistaken.

This time around, we've done 9 rounds of clomid with an OBGYN, and then we started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). We've done so many labs, tests, and even surgery with our RE, and we just completed our second unsuccessful round of clomid with him. We're now moving on to femara, a drug I've never taken before. If that doesn't work, we'll move on to injectable medications.

We've also completed the home study process to adopt domestically, and have been home study approved for 2 years.

And yet, here we are... still trying... still waiting.

I am hopeful that something will eventually work for us, and that we will add another child to our family. But today I recognize that even that dream looks different now than it did when we first started trying again. Then, Nathan was 1 1/2 years old. Now, he's 5 1/2. Our family is never going to look like I thought it should back then. There is going to be an age gap. It's the reality now.

4 years of SI. How much longer, Lord, will we have to wait?


Erin Welch said...

I have tears in my eyes for your heartbreak, Grace. No words to say, just sending love your way right now.

Leesha said...

Praying for you, Grace. Thank you for sharing your heart!

A said...

Hi Grace,
Found your blog on hannah's prayer when you responded to one of my posts on clomid and just wanted to say I'm praying for you right now.

While I may not have the words to ease your pain, I do want to say that I praise God for the 6 and 10 years between me and my younger siblings (my mother struggled with IF as well). I am 10 years older than my little brother and we have an amazing relationship in so many ways. I thank God for the time gap now.
Praying that God would comfort you in this time of waiting and reassure of His plan and His love.