Saturday, January 09, 2010

It's never easy

I think one of the things that is the hardest about this infertility journey is learning how to feel two (seemingly) opposite emotions at the same time. It crops up in so many ways:

Being content with my family as it is now, but desiring another child with everything in me.

Being happy for someone who is pregnant, but being sad that I'm not.

Learning to take care of my body, yet resenting the fact that my body has failed me.

Loving children and being good with them and enjoying being around them, but knowing that even though every kid I meet loves me, God still has not allowed me to have another one of my own.

Feeling like I should be doing something to make this happen, but knowing that there is nothing I can do.

Getting excited about the possibility of adopting a child, but still wanting to have another biological child.

Finding a doctor who gives us hope about trying for another biological child, but still wanting to give an orphaned child a forever home.

Believing that God is good all the time, even when He says "Wait"... or "No".

Trusting Him even when it seems hopeless.

Praising Him, not only for what He does, but for Who He is.

Resting in Him... even in the midst of all this.

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