You know that Baptist hymn "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus"? The one with the chorus that goes like this:
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him?
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!
Well... I used to tease my music minister husband that I didn't like when we sang that song in church, because all he was doing was informing everyone, from the stage, that his wife Grace needed to trust God more. (O for Grace (me) to trust Him more! Get it?) And I was joking, but when we came to that line it would always make me duck my head and smile a little.
So last night, I was leading the kids in a couple of worship songs at AWANA, and we did a VBS song from a couple years ago called
"Jesus Is". And right in the middle of that song, we sing the chorus to "Tis so Sweet". So we're singing and the kids are into it and there aren't motions during the hymn part... and when we got to that last line... and we sang "O for grace to trust Him more", I realized that God was telling me that I DO need to trust Him more.
And as we sang that line, I pointed to myself and shrugged my shoulders a little, right there on the stage. The kids probably didn't even notice it. But I know some of the adults, especially those who know our current situation, did. And they smiled. And I was encouraged to know that they GET IT. They understand. They care. And they are praying.
Sometimes it's hard to live out a private struggle like infertility in the public eye, especially as a minister's wife. But I think God is having me go through this, publicly, for my benefit... so I know I'm not alone. And I think God is having me go through this, publicly, for your benefit... so you know you're not alone either.
We've all got our stuff that we are struggling with. We all have our times of doubt and fear. We all feel alone sometimes. But God is with is, and He has placed us in community with each other, so we can help and encourage each other. So we can mourn with each other, and celebrate with each other, and learn more about Him while we're living life with each other.