Wednesday, June 24, 2009

From my journal today

"There are three things that are never satisfied; four that never say 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!' "
~Proverbs 30: 15-16

An online friend shared this verse in a forum today, and I've been meditating on it since she did. What is this verse trying to say about my current infertility struggle? At first glance, it seems to be saying that a barren woman is never satisfied because that which it was designed and created for is missing. It's purpose is missing. It can never be fulfilled and complete without being "filled" with a child. But I think God is saying also that nothing is ever enough for me.

God blessed my barren womb with a miracle baby, yet even with that, it's not enough for me. My womb, my arms, my heart, my life longs for another baby. And I was created to long for it. But, and this is a huge concept, I don't want to live my life being never satisfied, never saying enough. It may be "normal" to long for more, but it's also a miserable way to live. I don't want to waste moments in my life wanting more!

God opened my barren womb once... and He could do it again. But if He doesn't, He's still enough. He may choose to bless us with a child through adoption. But if He doesn't, He's still enough. A barren womb may never be satisfied, but this woman with a barren womb can be... with God's help. My God is enough.

All of You
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and
Every need
You satisfy me
With your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough.

"I say to myself, The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."

~Lamentations 3:24

3 comments:

Erin and George said...

Grace--this really touched me. You have such a gift of expression, and you are an amazing woman!

Grace said...

Ahhh, thanks Erin! Love reading your updates too and seeing pics of cute little Lincoln! Hope you guys are well!

Cherie said...

This blessed me today - thanks for sharing it! ---a fellow HP sister