Throughout this journey of infertility, sometimes I tend to lose sight of the ways God is still moving in my life. I am, understandably, so looking forward to what I call "the big miracle" (having a 2nd baby), that I overlook and ignore everyday miracles that He has been giving me. But I'm realizing more and more that these "little miracles" are God's way of speaking to me, ministering to me, even sustaining me through my current situation. When I open my eyes and intentionally look for them, I am blown away by God's very presence in my life! Here are just a few recent examples:
** I have been asking God for about a month if we needed to think about finding a new adoption agency, since nothing has been happening with ours. I even contacted a couple, but before we started the application process with them I asked God to please tell me if we should proceed. I put out a "Gideon's Fleece", and told God that if He did not want us to contact other agencies, to please let our agency contact us within a week. A couple days later we got an email from our agency! So though I don't know WHY yet, I know God is telling me not to switch agencies at this time.
** God used Gideon's story to speak to me in another way as well. I had to reschedule an appointment with my OB for the first of August, and my doctor left it up to us whether we wanted to continue taking our fertility medicine during these three months or whether we wanted to take a break from them. After praying about it, both Steve and I felt God telling us to take a break. God brought to mind the way He had to deminish Gideon's army so that when they won the victory, God and God alone would get all the glory. Again, not sure what this means for us in our infertility journey, but I am so thankful to hear from God so clearly!
** God answered some financial prayers by bringing me an opportunity to babysit some friend's children a few days a week. I was looking for something that would just bring in a little extra, but would still allow me to be home with Nathan. God answered more than just my prayers with this one!
** I have been missing my mom lately, and wishing she were here to talk to about all that I am currently going through. Then Tuesday night, my mother-in-law Vivian gave me a cardinal she had bought for me on vacation. It was a very clear affirmation of not only God's love for me, but Vivian's as well. It was something I really needed to hear THAT DAY, and God gave it to me at just the right time.
Father, as I continue to wait expectantly for our big miracle, please help me not to lose sight of the little miracles You give me along the way. Thank You!