Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Today Nathan told me, very seriously, that he needs a brother and a sister... and he wants them at the same time! He's got it all figured out in his little head. He even knows their names! He mentions this at least 3 times a day, and it breaks my heart each time. Of course I can't explain to him that we are TRYING, and that I have ISSUES... I just keep saying that we need to ask God for a baby and then wait on Him. But how can I convince Nathan to wait patiently when I have such a hard time waiting too?

I know several people who are going through similar trials right now, so I KNOW in my head that I'm not alone in this, but I FEEL alone. I believe that God never wastes a hurt, so He must be using this somehow, but today I don't see it. Even still, I will trust Him. What else can I do?

I know God often uses music to speak to my heart, and the words going through my head today are from the Casting Crowns song
Voice of Truth:

The Voice of Truth
Tells me another story
The Voice of Truth
Says "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth
Says "This is for My glory!"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

I guess it's times like this that I really have to choose Who to listen to, eh?


Melissa said...

Grace, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you in this horribly tough time! I know it can be so devastating (from our experience with C&T and other friends)! It is so hard to understand!! My heart breaks for you!

I also wanted to tell you that if getting together this weekend would cause you more pain, I will totally understand if you just can't right now! Just let us know what you need!

We Love you all, and will be praying (and shedding some tears) for you!

Melissa said...

P.S. Another awesome Casting Crowns song that has been on my heart and mind when I face tough times is Praise You In This Storm. It is a wonderful reminder that God NEVER leaves our side, even when we feel all alone. It always reminds me of how He carries me through, like the Footprints poem! Although we can't always see it during the storm, if we hold tight, at the end we can see how He has been there all along!

Here's the Chorus:

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

(Sorry to take up so much room here! Hope it was at least somewhat encouraging.)

Smurph said...

Love you sister. Maybe Nathan is getting ready for something the rest of us, me included, just can't see with our muddled up grown up eyes. The faith of a child is a lesson worth learning. I am praying for you and am two streets over if you need me.

CHAZ said...

I know it's hard to understand - hard to understand why something that seems so good to us why would God not allow it? I have been there, not understanding, trying to figure out how come and crying out to God for understanding. It's those times when God is asking us to wait, to wait on Him and his blessings WILL be poured out over us. These times are the toughest, but we know that we are strong, we have the hope that God freely gives us! I pray for you, Steve, and Nathan that God will touch you, heal you, and bless you!

Anonymous said...

You have such a way with words. It is so hard to wait, so very hard. Especially when it is something that seems like it should just happen. Even though I am waiting on something completely different, I understand and am praying for you each day.