Teeter-Totter

There are times when I feel very content with having only 1 child. I still desire another one, but I'm content, you know? I think about all the good things about having an only child. He gets uninterrupted time with both parents, our home is much more tranquil without siblings arguing with each other, we are able to afford to live on one salary, etc. Our son is a joy and we delight in him fully. I love our family just as we are.

Then there are other times when the desire for a second child is like a punch in the gut, it hits me and takes my breath away and demands my total attention! Sometimes it creeps up in jealousy when I see other families who have 2, 3, 4 or more children, and I wonder why I can't just have one more. Sometimes it manifests itself in doubt, when I start to wonder why God won't just heal my body and let us conceive again. Sometimes it's sadness, when I look at my son and wonder if he will ever get the chance to be a big brother, if he will ever have a little brother or sister to adore.

It's like being on an emotional teeter-totter. Up... Down. Up... Down. But at least I'm at the point where my up days happen a lot more often than my down ones. And I am so thankful for that!