Saturday, August 29, 2009

Gotta love Beth Moore

I'm doing this Bible study through the Women's Ministry at my church. This week Beth Moore has been talking about getting over our devastation with God. Here's something that really jumped out at me this week:

"A bruised heart that chooses to beat with a passion for God amid pulsing pain and confusion may just be the most expensive offering placed on the divine alter."

Right now, I can really relate to that. My heart is bruised, and my life if consumed at times with the pain and confusion that seem to go hand-in-hand with this infertility journey. Sometimes it just seems easier to wallow there, instead of choosing to praise Him. I feel angry at Him for with-holding something from me that I want so badly. I wonder why He is refusing to act on my behalf. I feel afraid that His answer will always be "no". But at the end of the day, I have to decide if I want to move forward with Him or not. Because until I deal with these feelings of anger and confusion and fear, then I'm stuck here.

And I don't want to be stuck here any longer. So I'm choosing to believe some more timely words from Beth Moore:

"God's ways will always be higher than ours, but we don't have to understand Him to settle the matter in our hearts that we can trust Him."

I'm choosing to trust Him, even when I don't understand Him. And I'm choosing to let my heart beat with a passion for Him, even now, in a very painful season. And I'm choosing to be real and honest and vulnerable with you, so that you might be encouraged to trust and praise Him in your current season too.


Janea said...

Dear Grace-

It seems like you put into words what my heart cannot. We may not be dealing with the same issues, but I can assure you that my feelings resonate with yours. Thank you for being so very honest and giving words to the ache in my heart for unspoken desires.

I love you!


Grace said...

I love you too, Janea. And I think of and pray for you often.