Plans

I had a plan.

We'd wait at least 5 years after we got married to start trying to have children. We'd wait until our last semester of seminary before we started trying. We'd wait until we had a job lined up and our future stretched before us like the highway across the Kansas plains.

That part worked perfectly. The waiting.

But then came the trying. For a year. With no baby.

And then came the remembering what my doctor had told me when I was 14, that I might never be able to have children. So I found myself talking to my OB and getting onto a fertility drug. 2 months later, I was staring through my tears at a positive pregnancy test. 9 months later, we welcomed a healthy, beautiful baby boy into the world.

So far, so good.

But back to my plan.

Of course, we'd have a baby, and then exactly 2 years later we'd have another one, and exactly 2 years after that we'd have a third.

So when Nathan was 1 1/2, we started trying again. I had a new OB, but he put me back on the fertility drug that worked so quickly the first time. I fully expected it to work again.

But it didn't.

So we saw a specialist. And pursued adoption. And I had labs and tests and procedures and even a surgery. I took multiple medications.

And 4 long years went by.

My plan was unraveling before my eyes. Not only would my children not be 2 years apart, I was beginning to think we might never have a second child. I started thinking about my son being "an only" for the rest of his life. And with each year that passed, my plan faded away more and more - until it was only the wisp of a memory.

But through it all, God had a plan. And His plans always work out.

Because of His great mercy, I now have 2 healthy, beautiful boys... 6 1/2 years apart. My family looks different than the way I planned it all those years ago. But when I saw my 7-year-old reading to his baby brother this afternoon, I smiled and thanked God again for "ruining" all my plans. Because His plan was so much more than I could ever have dreamed up for myself. He knew just what my family was going to look like, and He has carried us here.

So what's the plan for the future? I have no idea. Only God knows! But whatever it is, I trust Him. Because He is faithful... and His plans for me are good.